M third persons herself. Occult, no?

“It must be fantastic to be a chachora cheap boy in Pakistan.” Truly it must be quite empowering to be a wanker. The closest I’ve got to it is pinching F’s butt walking along Fortress tonight and then yelling insults at staring boys in cars. I called one a dancing phudee, which I think is a crude word for vagina. I mean I think that’s what it means; I’m fairly clear and emphatic about the crude bit. I can’t help it, I just learnt two new words a week ago and I was curious to try them out contextually. In these last two weeks when my mind has been completely occupied with work, I’ve had a lot of automatic thoughts that even I’m scandalized by. I went with AK to Raza Kazim’s house just to talk stuff over with him and there was this fantastic and what seemed to me to be vintage Merc standing outside. I passed it by thinking “It would be fun if I could lick that logo” and then mentally slapped myself. Thankfully I realize the image is not mine and was taken from an Aerosmith video. And at Z’s birthday thingum a heady atmosphere of wine, screwdrivers and kamikaze shots made for a very verbose and conducive set up. Even if you weren’t drunk, it was easy to just let go and at one point I addressed the boys in the room and called them “little little gay smurfs”. With the exception of R, they seemed short and fruity looking. Also testament to pre-occupied mind is the rapid switch from discussing God to discussing foreplay that M and I made. It was good to see her again. Met another blogger at one of my interview’s; Ahmad’s roommate- is the world the size of a pinhead now?

Raza Kazim said that Sir Syed fostered the philosophy of individualism and our generation is the sixth generation working under its influence and it wasn’t an outgrowth of Western rational thought. I don’t know, I rather thought Syed linked individualism with collective progressive, just didn’t turn out like that. I didn’t interrupt the discourse much, not only because of RK’s broad knowledge but also because he had lived through partition and been part of the Communist Party, sentenced to death and seen the ups and down and my only experience of partition is my father telling me of his crossing the border as a child and everyday in Lahore watching severed bodies float down the Mughalput neher (which I’m told is the Canal). Subjective experience is something I don’t like arguing with though I think mastery comes from a peripheral viewing. But then that is what a miniaturist would say, not a political scientist. Who knows. I’m too sleepy to care. He also called my generation “positively anti-social” in political terms; can’t say I disagree with him.

Extensive fieldwork means FM 89 is my constant companion. My favourite tune is the Punjab Government’s jingle for its education program; I do a mental thumka and belly shake at the last two lines where the singer earnestly croons “parrrhhhaaa likkhhhaaa puunnjjjaabb haaammaarraa”. I’m a closet cheapster. I love dancing. I hate small dance floors. I tell everyone I watch only BBC Hard Talk but really I only watch B4U Music, Zoom and Channel V with bits of BBC in between. My favourite shows are VH1 Driven and MTV Made and my secret dream is to dance behind J Lo and Beyonce in a video. I only want to go for a PhD so I can audition for videos. Lol. There. I’ve admitted it, I’m insane about dancing, it’s the one thing that makes me completely focussed on what I’m doing. It’s like playing netball or writing a paper on political structures. One day I will delete this post.

Tonight when we bemoaned our collective lack of gold medals proclaiming "FIRST" (we only get shields and cups etc.) I told the Guls about my SAARC Girl Child medal which Poput thought I got for being girlier than all the girls in South Asia. I think that white stuff in her nails is cocaine.